last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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