I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You are a genius and a whore.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
