the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All the doctor said was why
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