never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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