Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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