Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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