I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
