So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize