I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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