How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
