I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
