i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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