Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Im part way to drunk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
