I hate your face
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
