I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
