I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We left the knife in your bed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
