I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
