____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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