got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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