Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
