We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
