smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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