So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
