Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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