omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
