WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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