Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
