I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
