idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
