just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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