So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He keeps bees of course he's weird
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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