I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
