dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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