do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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