i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
