If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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