please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
