he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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