Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
