Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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