Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
