haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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