Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
