I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
