he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
