Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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