Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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