I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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