So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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