i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
