sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
