Have you finally orgasmed yet?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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