absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
