Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
