I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
