How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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