She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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