he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
