I'm gonna have a badass scar
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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