just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize