I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
